Toy Review: JOI Rotating Head G-Spot Vibrator & Clit Licker from Honey Play Box

Link to discounted toy here: JOI Rotating Head G-Spot Vibrator & Clit Licker or use code “tallasianchick” to get 15% off!

Have I mentioned how much I love deep, cervical orgasms? Well, now you know and this toy lives up to its detailed name. I've been affiliated with Honey Play Box for a while now and I am definitely going to invest in the Scioness next because besides G-spot stim, clitoral stimulation is my absolute favorite! However, I found it rather difficult as the toy did not fit my current masturbation style; ritually and ideally every night, right before bed or if I'm already horny, the masturbation process starts around 9pm. I try to find the best “boyfriend ASMR” or “lesbians tribbing” or “cumpilation,” while using the realistic tongue-licking on my clit. When I finally find the perfect video, I close my eyes and just listen.

Once I'm mentally, physically, and psychologically stimulated, I grab one of my many lubes, usually Uberlube, and insert the toy inside my vagina and I found that stimulation of my vaginal introitus (vaginal opening) can be quite pleasurable and orgasmic. Considering my disabilities, I am capable of finding other ways to use products safely. For example, I only use this toy when I'm laying down because sitting down while using it causes me unwanted pain. I figured, “ok, this is a toy for the shower. I can move more freely and access my G-spot more easily.” I love pushing it all the way in while using a different toy, usually the Diskreet Air by Bellesa Boutique for even more clitoral stimulation. Masturbation has truly become a ritualistic practice for me.

My mother once said that if I have too much sex, my vagina will get old (implications of being dirty or loose). Regardless of the amount of sex, my vagina will age alongside me so go have an orgasm to relax your mind. Specifically the hormone prolactin, which makes you feel relaxed and sleepy. I'm seriously wondering if my mother had access to pleasure or even being aware of having pleasure in any form and not just feeling bad about your life because your life is not mine. Thanks to her and forced Catholicism, I was able to go to a sex shop at 18, had a Planned Parenthood near my high school, and asked questions. I had seen the effects of comprehensive sexual health not being implemented and a plethora of people I knew had kids at a young age (mostly family). It is my duty as a sex coach and sex educator to share this valuable information. AND FOR FREE!?

HELP A SEX COACH OUT BY USING MY CODES OR BOOKING A SESSION WITH ME.

Family Issues & Family Failures

As an adult, you realize how family and past generations have failed its succeeding children. My paternal grandfather abandoned his 6 children, leaving my grandmother and children to raise themselves. My parents were immigrants and worked to provide for their 5 children, leaving my father figure/brother with the bunso (Tagalog for “the youngest child"). My older brothers are gamblers and abusers and our misogynistic parents let the ones with penises off the hook most of the time. Now, it has unfortunately trickled down to the subsequent generations and now, my nephew is going to be incarcerated for interpersonal violence (IPV). 

I know that every family and human being is dealing with their own shit. Trauma is so common and we're constantly in a state of trauma. War, politics, environment, work, relationships, capitalism, pandemics, it's all trauma. I am in a state of constant vicarious trauma and so are many of us, we just don't know it because we were never taught how to properly respond to trauma. The trauma never goes away, but you learn to live and cope with it through time and coping skills. For example, body regulation using conscience breathing. I like to use a method I created called 7-5-7 breathing; eyes open or closed, be aware of your sensations, begin with inhaling for 7 seconds, holding for 5, and exhaling for 7 seconds again (do this 3 times). 

My nephew never learned these skills because I moved to San Francisco and he lives in the East Bay (about an hour to an hour and a half with traffic). I tried checking in, but he never answered which concerned me. Additionally, I'm so angry at his neglectful father (2nd oldest brother), although my niece did say there are things in their family that I didn't know about (this makes me so sad). You are a teenage girl, you shouldn't have to think like an adult, and you certainly shouldn't understand these deep issues because they shouldn't be happening in the first place! His father won't even take time off to visit and speak to his son. He even had the audacity to instruct me to, “take care of him for me, guys [my caretaker and I]!" Why don't you take time off, come support your son, see him face-to-face, and tell him you're sorry for neglecting him. 

This family loves to abandon its members even though I've always been taught family first. No, my nephew physically abused his girlfriend, there is no excuse for that. My current concern is his further spiral because of the terrible treatment of incarcerated POC. I'm afraid that he'll join a gang because he is prone to gang violence and was even shot in the face with no further investigation. Considering he lacks family, he is more likely to join a gang as gangs tend to be similar to family structures and extreme loyalty. I'm so upset and I have every reason to be. Much like him, I don't have much emotional family support. I want accountability and rehabilitation, but we all know that's not how Amerika works.

Being a Bedwetter

I'm going to be very vulnerable right now; I'm a bedwetter. When it first started, I thought it was due to my disability, but I've noticed that it's inconsistent with certain patterns. I rarely pee the bed, but lately, it has been really bad and I never thought to link it to stress. I also have mild sleep apnea which may not be so mild anymore. According to the American Sleep Apnea Association, a research study concluded that around 82% of the people who do have sleep apnea also experience nighttime urination. Additionally, “stress or anxiety can also cause the problem, which might last long after the stress has gone.”

I'm thinking my recent increase in bedwetting could be the amount of stress I am under. So much so that I am literally not waking up to use the restroom. I have to dehydrate myself and be grateful that I'm visibly disabled so there's some pity for me and my body. I know how stressed out I am, but I never thought it'd be linked to adult nocturnal urination. I haven't done extensive research on the links between bedwetting, stress, and sleep apnea, but I wasn't surprised at what I found. The only thing that surprised me is the long lasting effects of stress. 

I have also noticed that my bedwetting isn't consistent; it occurs in phases. For example, the last time this occurred was when I was kicked out of my home for sex work. That was in 2020, almost 4 years ago! I don't even drink that much alcohol anymore so it's also not due to my now-minimal alcohol consumption. Nocturnal urination has caused me to avoid sleepovers; I don't like cuddling either, but that's a different, aromantic side of me. I'm not embarrassed, but I don't want to sleep over at someone's house to piss on their bed(s)! I have special, waterproof sheets for that. This flare-up most likely started with not peeing after masturbation. It's true when they say that complete sexual abstinence is the safest sex; I can't even fuck myself safely. 

Mental Illness, Trauma & Me

Usually, around November to April, I am deeply depressed due to past traumas. I wanted to share a quote that I found really insightful from a presentation: “the shame never goes away, but it just gets manageable." For me, sexual shame is experienced when I'm being bombarded with denial from others of my experience with sexual trauma. Considering I was a child when the sexual trauma happened, I ask my family, "why don't you care? Do you even love me?” I spiral into my thoughts and become extremely reactive to my environment, which does not help my work. Over the years, yes, my traumas have subsided, but are still ever present, especially knowing that my abuser (bio-brother closest to my age) is married. My molester’s (I do not claim him as my brother) child, who I took care of because Filipinx family members often take care of our own for free labor, turns 18 this August and I intend on telling him all the details of his father's abuse because I've seen the abuse he has caused his family. I don't understand why people get mad at me for simply trying to have conversations with the youth about sexual safety. Isn't it our responsibility to keep the vulnerable safe? Children have little-to-no agency, so why don’t we listen and believe them? No, because I live on planet Earth in 2024, in this specific universe.

I've been doing my best to cope, but the idea of killing myself after my 30th (not during the holiday season, maybe towards my molester’s birthday) because I'll be broke and it's not anywhere near anyone I love’s birthday. My savings have dwindled due to the potential scam of my “sex coaching training," and I'm having trouble finding clients for free coaching. If I can't even get clients for free, how am I going to be a financially "successful” individual? It does not help that my family still talks for me when I am the one experiencing the disabilities. I am the one facing these challenges and when I try to get the tiniest bit of autonomy, they remind me, “Ilah, you don't even know who to call." I do, but you're too controlling for me to even think about becoming a disability advocate for others and be able to provide free advice to those who are newly disabled. Navigating disability in the USA is so difficult, I literally want to off myself every time it’s a new day.

Being disabled isn't hard, but living and navigating in a world where the system and society was created against you is. The way they phrase questions are meant to be against the disabled. I have been legally disabled since 2016, 8 years of navigating this hellhole of a system and even found out some non-disability related issues. For example, did you know that you have to go to a social security office to change your citizenship if you are naturalized? My caretaker and I found this out when my he had to take time off (SSS offices are closed on weekends) to switch to him being my primary caretaker because we were told I would receive more benefits (I didn't and now I have to beg my caretaker to give me my money without being questioned like I'm being questioned for double-murder).

In about 2 months, I'll be broke and still be a disappointment to my family. I haven't left my house in 2 weeks due to my anxiety about people. Ever since COVID, I have fears of leaving the house, but also, what the fuck is there to do without money!? Even if I go to the park, that requires money for gas, snacks, and a guarantee of returning to no parking near my own home. Go for a walk? I live downtown and every week I see a new headline about a dead, unhoused POC walking distance from my house. There isn’t a day where I think about a shooter being on my street and the problems aren’t from drug dealers, but with the government. My biggest issue isn't with me, but the way people treat others. I live on a street-leveled window and hear the atrocious comments from the privileged about how they wished to get rid of the unhoused; even my family thinks like this and it disgusts me that they forgot they were once in that position. Where has the empathy gone? It's not present anymore. I don't see it.

I'm Rawdogging Life Right Now & I'm Doing Okay

A lot of things are going on right now, both personally and externally. Mostly personally and I haven't had some of my medication (Prozac and Seroquel) since my return (Dec 27). I am, as I like to call it, rawdogging life; living life without medication just to see what happens. Just kidding because I didn't have a choice! For some internal system reason, I lost access to my disability insurance, or SSS (Social Security Subsidiaries) Additionally, I've been jet lagged and generally exhausted. I needed this time to recalibrate my life and body and it sucks that most people do not have this recalibration period. For the disabled community, we are so hyperaware of our immediate environment and sometimes have to think ahead before going out.

*My vagina DOES NOT belong to the government!

Most of my close and oldest friends know this about me, but even before I was physically disabled, I like to be 2-3 hours before a hangout or dinner. I like to scope out the environment, have some alone time, maybe talk to a stranger and get to know how they found themselves in that bar-resto at that exact date and time. Now I have to account for parking availability, if I need to prep for an unexpected hill, or if the only available place to sit is at a bar stool. It's tedious and could be a sign of undiagnosed OCD, but can America please me more accessible? Surprisingly, besides the physical signs of withdrawal with the combination of jet lag, I'm mentally managing these obstacles well. I'm aware that I need to be more physically active and walk more, and this isn't me making excuses, but being outside in the rain sucks and terrifies me when I'm driving. My caretaker also removes the disability device that allows me to drive, limiting my car usage. I cannot live anymore north of San Francisco because it's already wet enough here!
- January 22, 2024

I haven't been having a good time with life lately. I am just now, post-4 weeks of returning from the Philippines and Taiwan, getting my sleeping schedule fairly regulated. I say, “fairly,” because I find myself sleeping from 1:00 p.m. up until, at most, 7:00 p.m. It's currently January 29, 2024 at 9:17am and I have fixed all of my health insurance bullshit. I'm thinking about going back to talk therapy to avoid medication because, holy shit, I didn't realize how much my libido is suppressed by my meds. All my vaginal glands are working overtime to achieve this WAP (wet ass pussy). My toys have been dying on me and I need to charge almost all of the chargeable sex toys.

The rain in the Bay has ceased and I intend on going to a free screening of the latest Mr. & Mrs. Smith on Wednesday with Maya Eskrine and Donald Glover. I'm also going to finish my sex coaching program by April and am already looking for participants. I've stopped drinking alcohol and limited my weed usage, and I've lost body fat through change of diet alone. I do not believe in time as a construct, but I do believe it's linear. With all that being said, 2024 is going to be a fun year.

My 1st Christmas Since Moving to America in 2000

(CW: RAPE CULTURE)

A lot has changed, yet a lot has not, this Philippines holiday season both positive and negative, since immigrating to America. The Philippines is still a third world country and the majority of Filipinos are misogynistic. Why? Because I've seen their eyes following me. Truly, I do not think I can live here alone due to sexual safety. Not all things were bad so I'm going to make a pros and cons list and this is for me and only me. However, if this can be helpful for other queer and disabled tall Asian womxn, here was my experiences: 

Pros: 

• Filipino hospitality. A local tricycle driver would always give us the correct directions whenever we get turned around or lost. Even in the busy cities, we locked ourselves out of the car and this stranger opened it for us and walked away. We had to hunt him down because I was the one who saw it, thanking and asking him, “how did you do that!?" He shrugged and gave us a trick to open the car if we accidentally left the keys in the car again. 

• Learning about my ancestors. I learned so much about my family because I'm finally at that age where I'm part of the adult conversations now! My family is a bunch of unknown activists; my mother and brother question authority, my maternal grandmother was deeply hated and I'm very much like her, my maternal grandfather had so much confidence and land, and my family has always been led by strong people. 

• My parents clean everyday and that's their key to a healthy life. Every morning, my mother goes to the market to buy fresh meat and produce for the meals of that day. The mangosteens and green mangoes were deliciously sour and the fresh coconuts were refreshing on most humid days. We have a malunggay tree in your yard and it was cooked on days when we wanted a break or had a stomach bug. 

• Being dollar earners. $1 roughly equates to 55.39 Philippine Pesos, therefore, we have an extra advantage. It's also a big ass privilege. 

• Having a car and people who are able to drive. The public transport in the Philippines isn't bad unless you are disabled. There are tricycles, buses, and even Uber and Grab. 

• Discounts for the elderly and disabled. If you have the proper identifications, you can be qualified for significantly cheaper meals and even products. Free-of-charge spaces for parking and a plethora of discounts are available. 

Cons: 

• I could feel every person's stare and would have to correct people on disability rights. Sometimes, when I wasn't in the mood or it was too hot, I would say, “would you like a picture," and ask if they wanted to take one on their phone, or simply state that staring is rude and follow up with, "do you stare at people in wheelchairs?” It got tiring. 

• Speaking of staring, the men there need to stop with the rampant rape culture. The tricycle drivers in my area talked about women being bitches and even publicly verbally harassed some of them. I wasn't shocked because I would hear the same words come out of my misogynistic parents’ mouths. My eldest brother telling me that he could see my nipples through my bathing suit or my father openly slapping my ass as a joke would simply laugh when I called them out that I am their sister or daughter. Even my mother would have conflicting opinions on my appearance, swinging back and forth from, “wear something sexy," to, “you're gaining weight, cover up your rolls of fat." It did not help that my disgusting brother would talk to girls closer to his 15-year-old daughter's age than my almost 30-year-old self. Barf. 

• Accessibility. I rarely saw people with disabilities walking around independently. If there were, the roads were uneven, cars parked on sidewalks, and cars and pedestrians creating their own driving laws. You have to be well-off if you want to live with a disability in the Philippines. 

• Check your receipts before you pay. We had to return the receipt at least 3 times because they added things we didn't order. Knowing that most people do not check receipts, survivorship takes over and some restaurants (especially the ones inside the mall) add items that we didn't even order. 

• The humidity with the heat. My brother and I both suffered from heat exhaustion during our first few weeks. Not just that, but we had food poisoning too. I threw up and was the only one who threw up due to food poisoning. It was because my gross brother didn't wash his hands after using the restroom and never cleaned after himself.

• I didn't recognize the Christmas carols. Where did the Filipino talent go!? Only one group harmonized and sang a different song. Curse you, Coca-Cola!

Those were my big ones for this trip and my mother is expected to visit us in SF in September. I would have been done with school and I will have to walk a lot before then because she wants to go to Europe.

I Visited My Nieces in the Philippines

My soon-to-be 15 year old niece (let's call her C) whom I'm closest to is so much happier, but I was taken aback when I saw her scars on her arms. As she was telling me a story about her school adventures in the Philippines, I was fighting my tears and focused on her story. I briefly fought back my tears when I asked her about it, why she never told me, and she was hesitant to talk about it. When my family discovered that I was doing Onlyfans, I spent a lot of time with her because her father, let's call him, “G," let me stay with him when I was kicked out. I feel so ashamed of myself that I never noticed or that she never told me. I mean, I noticed and encouraged her that I'm always there for a chat, but how can I not have noticed!? I feel like I failed.

My younger niece (from another brother, but uhhhh, my family is complicated; my eldest brother dated his subsequent brother's niece-in-law. I told you it was complicated. Let's call her P) is incredibly neglected when it comes to mental health. She is neurodivergent and before you tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about, I WORKED AS A PARAPROFESSIONAL AND I'M ALSO DISABLED WITH VARIOUS MENTAL HEALTH CONCERNS!!! ANYWAYS! I wrote this as a draft, unknowing that she has an ADHD diagnosis; lacks eye contact, hyperactivity, and delayed speech development. The last part is a bit confusing because she's Tanglish (Tagalog and English) and I am not able to distinguish if it is her delayed speech or if that's just what she's saying. Her hyperactivity and brief attention span are very visible, but it broke me when she said, “my mom and dad left me when I was a baby.” She would always ask, “are you my papa's sister?" Her father, my eldest brother (let's call him B), and her mother, G’s niece-in-law (told you it is messy) are her parents. Her father, B, is in complete denial and I am not surprised if he has other neglected children because he's an absent father who lacked proper sexual education. Additionally, G is also too woman-focused; constantly telling his almost 15 year old daughter (C) about the women he's fucking, and they are often younger than me, his youngest and only sister.

Y'all know how much I love my children; these are MY CHILDREN because I helped raise them! I shouldn't need to have biological children to feel maternal; I took care of my nephew (K) since I was 13! Now at 17, he has a job at Starbucks and both him and my aforementioned niece (G’s child, C) are waiting after high school for their sexual debut. C is also in the talking stages with a classmate, I asked if she's practicing safer sex, and she's also waiting after high school. I DID THAT. I TALKED TO THEM ABOUT SEX. I BROKE THE CYCLE. Are you telling me that these aren't my children? Why are my maternal characteristics dismissed when I've literally done more for these children? Fuck off.

The Importance of Community and Staying True To Yourself

Lipa, Batangas, my mother's hometown. She started working at 4, school at 5.5 and was 11.5 when she started high school; a hella positive trait along with having photographic memory. It's also where my grandparents hid a Japanese soldier during WWII (so that's where I got my activism from). It's where me and my cousins walked until dark and literally reached the edge of our street. Everyone is related and the chismis is rampant. Lipa is where my favorite person was born (he still has his dried up, crusty umbilical cord) and my Inay (grandmother) Rosita, told my mother, “oh Aida, your child is hideous," (so that's where I got my brutal honesty). I am so happy to be surrounded by people who are so hilariously loud and petty. I'm just now realizing the importance of community and family connections. I cried when I saw the picture of my grandparents hanging in their now-renovated house (the old house was so much more open and breezier). My heart is so fucking full of love.

I used to visit the Philippines more often when I was a kid because one, flights were cheaper and two, I was still able-bodied. Actually, the second to last time (the last time was in 2017 for our renovated house party in San Pedro, Laguna) was when I took my literal microscopic brain slides to the Philippines to potentially get answers with my mystery encephalitis blessing. Yes, my disability has positively changed my life. There, I said it. I wouldn't have it about other way. ANYWAYS. My mother's childhood home is a very special place for community. Almost all of my maternal bloodline are still there; my cousin has a dental office in front of her home.

I'm not going to lie, my ears hurt from all the yelling and constant chatter. Want to know how we kill time? We eat, drink, and talk on a terrace; or clean! My mother's first cousin-in-law is 80 and the way she does laundry is insanely clean. She handwashes clothes and then puts it in the washing machine. Growing up, I obviously didn't understand shit because I was a child. Now that I'm older, I'm seeing the importance of community and family (chosen or not). I've been having many conversations with friends about friendships and adulthood. We really have to be intentional with our relationships.

Check-in with each other. I'm not afraid to reach out, unlike my parents and brother who just make assumptions. They tend to tampo, or hold grudges. For example, I wanted to experience drinking with my father as we listen to live music (I realized that it was better he stayed home because of the environment). He's a stubborn motherfucker (ha! LITERALLY) and I'm elated that I no longer hold this trait. I never got a chance to apologize because he was already asleep when we got home. The next morning, I slipped on my way out of the humid bathroom. I yelled for help and thankfully, my HOH father was nearby. Naked, He knows that we have limited time and I explained to him that I only have a month here and we don't know when we'll next see each other. I always have to remind them that we are adults with lives; we're busy! And you never know what's going on in someone's life. One of my biggest pet peeves are people making assumptions. Don't assume, just ask! It's not that fucking hard! If you are too afraid to ask; vulnerability is hella sexy. What are you going to lose? Your friend? Honey, they are no longer your friend. Don't be afraid to set boundaries. Most importantly, stay true to yourself and approach ever situation with compassion and an awareness that you're not all-knowing.

I've been here less than a week, but I've already learned so much about my bloodline and culture. I'm Eat, Pray, Loving the fuck out of my life right except I'm actually Filipinx. My spirit is elated with joy being surrounded by people who [sort of] look like me; I'm tall, light-skinned, and people always assume I'm Korean or Japanese. I smile and wave at people who stare to create change or, at least, lessen the stigma of disability, relationships, and sex. I'm very comfortable with myself and who I really am. I have ascended into my ultimate form. Just kidding! I don't believe in stagnancy; there's always room for improvement. Yes, there are still so many problematic people, but they are literally going extinct. You know what I say? GOOD, STAY DEAD, YOU XENOPHOBES.

Masking 101

I hate masking and have fully embraced myself, but that does not guarantee my safety in the trip to the Philippines, literally tonight around midnight [currently 11am on Nov. 27, 2023]. Which is why I've decided for my mental, physical, and emotional safety, I'm going to have to mask my entire personality. I don't want to waste my energy arguing with family members who refuse to listen to my struggles. They will never understand until they themselves come out as queer or non-monogamous or. drastically become disabled. I will just shut the fuck up, read, write, work, and eat. I'm also worried about relapsing and realizing that my access to medication is a gigantic hurdle when traveling. Once you become disabled, there’s no manual. I have repeatedly mourned over the loss of my body through the last 7 years of my life, reclaimed it after years of self-loathing, but my family thinks I’m being “too much” whenever I respectfully tell others that I could have a better life if the disability laws are properly adjusted to living a happy and healthy life [ex: calling out a lady at the airport who didn’t know I understood Tagalog at NAIA {Ninoy Aquino International Airport} and said she felt sorry for me and I responded with “I am fluent in Tagalog, tita, please apologize.”]. I’m hoping that my family sees me suffering, the neglect and turned heads from other humans, remind them how we became the people that we are, and finally realizing what it's like to be in my disabled body.  

What is masking? “Masking, as a coping mechanism, involves concealing one’s true emotions, thoughts, or struggles as a way to navigate social situations or cope with internal difficulties.” Many queer, neurodivergent, mentally-ill, and people with invisible disabilities (chronic pain, back injury, concussions, suicidal ideation, etc.) are incredibly marginalized groups. The unhoused population is strongly affected by these factors due to the mistreatment of the government. Hence, we tend to see the downfall of society by neglecting our veterans, healthcare workers, and hell, even actors are being affected! Which leads me to think, can I be openly and authentically myself in the Philippines whilst staying safe? I don't think so… Having to hide my true and, essentially, unapologetic and authentic self will take me 10 steps back in my progress towwards self-improvement. I'll have to bite my lip and hopefully not draw blood in order to survive. If you didn't know already, the Marcos regime has returned to the Philippines (think about Trump/Pence, but add in dictatorship and religion). Considering Marcos’ father (Snr.) was a literal dictator, “martial law saw at least 3,257 extrajudicially killed, 35,000 tortured, 70,000 unjustly detained and close to 1,000 persons involuntarily disappeared on the pretext of ‘saving the nation’ and ‘forming a new society.’” These numbers are beyond comprehension and additionally, “we must stand against Marcos Jr.’s repressive measures, just as we stood against the Marcos Sr. dictatorship of the past. From the regime of the dictator-father to that of the son, we have endured and fought against tyranny.” I can't fight back if I'm dead. I have to mask.

I leave tonight for the Philippines and my heart is beating so fast, but that just might be my recent caffeine intake. I can't stop thinking how much this trip will mentally challenge me, but I'm still excited to see my niece, eldest nephew who was born when I was less than 5 years old, and eat meat again! This will be the first holiday season since immigrating from the Philippines in the year 2000. Dear Goddesses, please keep me sane during my stay in an incredibly traumatic setting. Oh and no plane drama, please! OR MAYBE YES TO PLANE DRAMA BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS GOING VIRAL RIGHT NOW. Ttyitp; talk to you in the Philippines!

Whitney Was Right

Children ARE the future. Seeing my nephew start a job at Starbucks and my best friends having their first child, it's hope for me and the future. My niece is in the Philippines where I trust she is making wise decisions because she's not spending it on her phone. Since I'm making a profit now (barely, but that's how small businesses start), I'm going to do what my favorite uncle did to me and give this blank slate $20-$40 every time I visit. I intend on visiting a lot! Because I want to be there when he grows up just like how I was with my nephew. There are children dying because of genocide and that's why I can't, won't, don't not care. The literal future is on the line and politicians are doing fuck-all. Palestinian children are being slaughtered and you're still choosing to look away? What the fuck is wrong with you? There have been at least, not including the ones still missing in the rubbles of war and genocide, 4,609 child deaths in Gaza from Oct 7 to Nov 13. Your denial is killing innocent children. What if it was a child you knew who was affected? Why are children deemed less valuable once they are born than those who haven't even developed a brain yet? We should look up to these cultures with how they treat their own people. 

Palestinians love their children and Americans can learn a thing or two from this beautiful culture. When an infant is born, “[the] baby is a particularly joyous occasion in Palestinians society. For several weeks after a baby is born, family, friends and neighbors will visit the new parents and grandparents to offer their love, support and best wishes. A traditional dish, mughli - a pudding made of semolina flour, sugar and cinnamon, topped with fresh nuts - is served, along with coffee or tea.” What does America have? According to 2021 statistics, the CDC shared the following as it relates to race and infant mortality rate per 1,000 live births:

• Non-Hispanic Black: 10.6

• Non-Hispanic Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander: 7.8

• Non-Hispanic American Indian/Alaska Native: 7.5

• Hispanic: 4.8

• Non-Hispanic white: 4.4

• Non-Hispanic Asian: 3.7

Racial genocide is no stranger to history, in fact, most of the world was built upon it. From the genocide from Christopher Columbus to the genocide of the black community through institutional racism, how can you still not believe in what is being shown to you? Are you really that insecure and self-centered to ignore dying children? My answer is yes, for most Americans because history keeps repeating itself. But history also wins. Yes, we are living in the dark ages, but we still need to recognize the big changes America has had. I've always raved about America's divorce rights because that's not the reality for other countries. Though divorces are expensive and still a privilege, it's still one step towards access, while most countries only allow for an annulment of marriage or, unfortunately, stay in a loveless marriage and be sad for the rest of their lives (or go off-heteronormativity and stay married while practicing [ethical] non-monogamy). But being able to hold your loved ones’ hands is not ideal when it comes to war. There are martyrs sacrificing themselves for the sake of saving as many lives as possible. As many children's lives as possible. I truly hope that those who did pass during this filth of an event have died a painless death, holding onto their favorite toy, and died in their sleep. I have seen the pictures of children suffering and it pains me inside that I cannot assist with my own body. 

This weekend, there will be a conference held in San Francisco with major politicians, including the tyrant, Marcos of the Philippines, will be there. Honestly, someone better not assassinate him because the current VP of the Philippines is so much worse. If you're going to go for it, just do a 2-for-1 special. “The Standard indicate the city [San Francisco] could spend anywhere from $600,000 to $800,000 for hotel rooms, among other things, the Controller’s Office said. Mayor London Breed’s office later retracted that number, saying the city still needed to calculate the cost of paying for security.” What about the unhoused population of San Francisco or starving American children? Why are our tax dollars going to the corrupt police and not aid the people? Lastly, why are you giving them free accommodations when they can pay for it themselves? Oh right! Because they're politicians who don't care about our children and future! THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE! HOW CAN I FORGET!?